While assigned in Vienna, Austria (2008) we enjoyed the beautiful city, attended a great Church and we found new friends. I enjoyed my job and having just been promoted, I enjoyed a measure of success. I suffered from allergies, so the Medical Unit prescribed a well-known allergy medicine. I just had to wait for it to take effect.
My boss sent me to our Embassy in Bratislava, Slovakia for a day. It was a short trip by train, and someone met me at the station. The Embassy staff were welcoming, and my briefing was followed by lunch. I felt a little “off” but figured it was just the unfamiliar surroundings. My host told me how to catch a streetcar back to the train station, so I could return to Vienna. It seemed simple enough, but I worried about getting lost in this city where I couldn’t speak the language. When I boarded the streetcar, it felt like everyone was watching me, so I covered my watch and didn’t unbutton my jacket, though I was drenched with sweat. The train station was the last stop, so I didn’t get lost. I looked at the information board, but didn’t see Vienna, so I checked with the ticket office. They didn’t speak English and motioned towards the board which finally had Vienna on it with a hole where the platform number should be. I stared at the board, struggling to figure out how to find my train. The whole time I was sure I was being watched by a guy standing nearby. It was like I was in a bad movie and began to wonder if I was having a nervous breakdown due to stress or had been drugged. I decided to check each of the dozen platforms and ask people which train would go to Vienna. I had narrowed it down to a couple when I heard someone mention Vienna and discovered the train was coming but it would be late. I stayed close to the people that were waiting like I was. One couple was friendly, and we sat in the same compartment on the train. They were tourist and we talked about world events, though it seemed like I was having a harder time keeping my thoughts straight. I struggled to find my way out of the small station in Vienna and finally made it home by streetcar and bus.
I didn’t want Susan to know how my thoughts were racing and that I felt like I was losing it. I collapsed on the couch and told Susan I was tired. I couldn’t sleep but didn’t want to get up because my head was spinning, and I felt worse as time passed. I prayed for help, but it didn’t seem like my prayers went very far. That scared me more than anything.
The next morning, I called and told my boss I was sick and wouldn’t be in. Susan was worried and kept asking me what was wrong. I tried to explain how I felt and said something about my mom who suffered from depression. Susan rebuked me saying “you are not your mother.” I sat around all day, hardly moving from the couch. I was worried that I would completely lose my senses and started writing down all our important information, in case I wasn’t able to handle things. I called my daughter and told her I was sick and didn’t know how it would turn out. I told her I loved her and asked her to take care of her Mom. Of course, she was upset and wanted to come to Vienna. I assured her I would see the Doctor and let her know. I also called our Pastor and his wife back in Texas, asking them to pray for me and to calm my daughter.
I had a strong urge to convince Susan I was I was “OK” with all this and not to worry about me. I thought I was losing my mind and worried how her life would change. I was having trouble putting sentences together and the more I tried to console Susan, the more worried she became. I caught her making frantic phone calls to our friends while trying not to let me know. I was sure I would lose my security clearance and my job. I could retire but needed more time and money to prepare. I tried to calculate how long I could stay in if I used all my leave but couldn’t figure it out in my confused state. I was having trouble with my judgment and couldn’t watch the news or movies because everything seemed extremely bad or extremely good with nothing in between. Besides, I wasn’t interested in anything else with my world falling apart.
I didn’t sleep at all that night and lay on the bed with my heart pounding so hard I was convinced I was having a heart attack. I didn’t bother Susan until a voice said, “it’s the medicine you have been taking.” My muddled brain interpreted that to mean an overdose and I got up in the middle of the night and threw all the medicine in our house in the trash. I felt some relief until my heart started pounding again and I remembered aspirin can help prevent a heart attack. I dug in the trash for aspirin and took them just in case. The next day, Saturday, I pushed myself to eat and drink, so hunger and dehydration wouldn’t add to my problems. Susan left for a few hours, and I had myself a prayer meeting, just me and JESUS! I walked around the house declaring my healing and praising GOD. I felt better and got some sleep that night.
I drove to Church on Sunday, though I probably shouldn’t have. I told an American friend about my problem, and she immediately recognized the side effects of the allergy medicine I was taking. That was a confirmation of what the voice had told me and a relief that I wasn’t going crazy. I was still feeling “off” and was talking constantly with Susan trying to get me to stop. At the end of the service, I went to the front and asked for prayer. I felt better and wanted to retreat to our home, but we accepted an invitation to our friend’s house to eat and relax in their back yard. Now I can see they did it to give Susan a break. I felt weak but enjoyed the company after the stressful days we had been through. My mind was still racing, and I continued to talk way too much. Our Pastor’s wife stopped by and hung out with us during my winding down period. I apologized to both her and our friends the next time we met, but Susan and I were relieved that I was getting better. I went to the Med Unit on Monday and recounted my experience. The Nurse was wide-eyed as she wrote the details and told me the side effects should wear off in time. I wanted to take more time off from work, but Susan was tired of having me under-foot, so I returned to work and eventually to normal life.
That brief episode took us from enjoying the good life to wondering how we would get by. Though most of the problems were distortions in my mind caused by medicine, it helped me realize the priorities in my life. I will show my family I love them every day and place us all under GOD’s grace, mercy and protection before trouble comes. That way “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.”
Wayne Lance – That’s Good News to Share!